Jeffrey Muller, 61, of Newton, New Jersey was happily working in his pet store one day last January when some goons burst into his store and abducted him. The perpetrators were out to collect money from some deadbeat who allegedly owed $500,000 to another guy because of a failed golf course development deal in Utah. But they got the wrong guy! They were looking for another Jeffrey Muller, the millionaire New York money broker. Obviously, these kidnappers were not golfers.

Muller escaped his captors only after their car broke down in Missouri, but the incident left him and his wife traumatized. He thinks the ringleader, Roy Slates, might send more goons after him to get "revenge," and so he applied for a permit to carry a handgun. “I think about it every day,” Muller tells the Star-Ledger. “I look at everybody who comes in my store. Someone was walking in the woods the other day and it startled my wife." If only Muller had been there in the woods with a gun when his wife got scared, everything would have been different.

After his application was denied, Muller pursued the matter in court, but this week a state appeals court judge refused to let the jumpy, traumatized merchant pack heat. In rejecting the appeal, Superior Court Judge David Ironson upheld a judge's previous ruling that Muller doesn't need to arm himself now that the perpetrators have been brought to justice. But Muller is undeterred, and is pursuing a federal lawsuit to get his gun. This is a second amendment thing, and he knows his rights, man.