The L train had some issues this morning, causing rush hour migraines along the Brooklyn spur of the world's most relevant subway line. According to the MTA, there was no L train service for a spell between Lorimer Street and Myrtle-Wyckoff "due to a train with mechanical problem." (A spokesman tells us a train "failed to charge at Myrtle-Wyckoff.") Service was resumed at 9:15 with "residual delays," but the sticky, resinous residue on these here delays just doesn't GO AWAY.

Don't be silly, Giuliana, we're much more valuable to the L train alive than dead. Like the Machines in The Matrix, the L needs plenty of fresh warm bodies to fuel itself with warmth and suppressed rage. The L train doesn't want us dead; it has us RIGHT where it wants us. And we're not going anywhere for a long, long time.