Holiday travel is a notorious horrorshow, with that shrill harpy Mother Nature routinely waiting until just a couple of days before Christmas to dump thousands of pounds of snow and ice all over the runway from which your plane was supposed to depart before it got delayed, then delayed then delayed and then cancelled.
You know what makes holiday travel even worse? Flying out of LaGuardia. At JFK passengers can at least amuse themselves by building a child-sized fortress out of stacked Shack burgers, or becoming involved in their terminal's local theft ring. LaGuardia, on the other hand, is a backwater slum nation where ragged waifs use toilet seat covers for blankets/snacks and nap on piles of their own broken dreams.
In the interest of steeling you for your forthcoming travel ordeal, we have compiled a few tragic scenes from LaGuardia, though of course no photograph can ever truly capture the musty, soul-crushed spirit of the place quite like an actual visit.
— Jon Steinberg (@jonsteinberg) December 11, 2014
Speculation abounds as to the purpose of this perplexing set up, but this Twitter user put it best: "Gotta love an airport with it's own colostomy bag." Do you though?
— Christopher Smith (@chrissmith) December 10, 2014
Oh OK, it's a leak thing. Got it. The frothing waifs have probably already stolen all the pots, and just fixing the leaking airport ceiling is obviously out of the question.
You know you're at LaGuardia when two TSA machines break because the ceiling is leaking pic.twitter.com/dng0WCbfJ3
— Alison McCarthy (@aliiimac) November 21, 2014
Now that you've waltzed past a barbican of broken TSA machines, it's time for a snack! Or not.
— Shelly Hillyer (@shellyhillyer) November 18, 2014
The bad news is the food is gone because a marauding band of
hyenas Delta zombies devoured it all. The good news is they're sated... for now.
— R. Dot Art (@LivePhorToday) June 11, 2014
When it comes to airport camping, you should know by now not to rely on the local offerings anyway. Did the Chili's To Go Riots of 1993 teach you people nothing?
— Laurel BleadonMaffei (@AngelLaurel) September 8, 2014
All of these ills are, of course, perpetrated against those flying out of La Guardia. Those lucky enough to fly in have this to look forward to:
Hey, apparently La Guardia is 75. Insert picture of awful shabby airport here. pic.twitter.com/tMU2ZGFFuY
— John Walton (@thatjohn) October 15, 2014
On the bright side, it's probably going to burn down soon, anyway.