The temperature in New York City is poised to hit 75 degrees Fahrenheit today, which would beat the record on this day in 1948. If you're all bundled up for fall, you might want to avoid strenuous activity, dust off some frostbitten popsicles, or shed those pretty fall layers (or leave them on a bar stool, as usual). Here are some additional tips to help you beat the heat.
Drink Hot Liquids And Eat Chili Peppers
Sure this seems counterintuitive, but according to neuroscientist Peter McNaughton, hot things activate the TRPV1 receptors in our tongues, which in turn tell our brain to begin the natural processes of cooling us down. "The hot drink somehow has an effect on your systemic cooling mechanisms, which exceeds its actual effect in terms of heating your body," McNaughton told NPR. "That's probably why chili peppers are so popular in hot countries because they cause sweating and activate a whole raft of mechanisms which lower the temperature."
Share A Tiny Bathtub With A Friend
A cool soak is just the right thing on a hot fall day, especially when you can share the experience with a good friend. "Sharing a bathtub, especially a tiny bathtub, accelerates the cooling process," Dr. Shawn Stickneck says. "You don't want too much water though—just enough to make things pleasantly swishy in there." Tiny bathtub talk also helps you take your mind off the heat—you can talk about the Mets, or the merits of tweeting about coffee listicles, or why a certain husband would be better off dead so his considerably large life insurance policy could be put to use. (Do NOT talk about the heat.)
Red Lights Mean Stop...Being So Hot!
Bathing in red light can be just as important as bathing in four inches of water. "Everyone looks cool in red light," says Dr. Jules Botnick of the Rhinestone Institute. "Also, plans you may hatch with a friend or lover—nefarious plans that would easily get you disbarred or thrown in jail, seem easier, sexier, more attainable, and even justifiable."
Keep Your "Cool"
A heat wave is no time to start wavering about the Plan, OK? When a plan is in motion, especially a devious plan that involves what may or may not be a crime, now is not the time to start wavering. Wavering only makes you hotter, and in this heat, you just can't afford that. You stick to your plan to keep cool, and then you keep cool. Simple. No need to shout.
Conserve Energy By Only Cooling Rooms You Are Using When You Are At Home
This is just common sense, and you can save a lot on your power bill this way. Check out ConEd 's website or the OEM's pamphlet [PDF] for more energy conservation tips.
Surround Yourself With Saxophones
"Saxophones have been cooling man for centuries," Dr. Ichabod Sluciedelle explains. "Their ability to construct meandering, mysterious melodies, rich with purpose makes them ideal cooling tools. You don't even feel as if you're carrying out any 'plan,' per se, because you ARE the Plan." Dr. Sluciedelle adds, "Plus, you throw some slinky synths in there, and man, you're cooler than ice."
Hear Out Mickey Rourke
It's too late to go back on the plan—or is it? Sure, he's an ex-con with a checkered past, but maybe he's right? Maybe this whole thing is just too hot? Maybe something doesn't add up—didn't everything add up before, when you were basking in that cool red light? No, no it's too late.
In Cases Of Extreme Heat, Throw A Chair
Sometimes things get too hot to handle. In this moment of extreme temperature and pressure, society's rules slink off like a black negligee and nothing else matters—not the plan, not the Heat Wave, not the glass penetrating the soles of your bare feet, spilling your blood onto some other man's carpet.
[N.B.: This article originally appeared on Gothamist in the Summer of 2013—God we were so young and beautiful and stupid then—and is being republished with slight variations because according to a certain editor, "Bands play encores," which is a bad analogy but it's too hot for me to argue with it.]
