New York is poised to endure one of the hottest weeks in 18 years, as today is expected to be the third of seven uninterrupted days featuring temperatures of 90 degrees or higher. The Health Department recommends drinking water, turning on your A/C or finding a cooling center, and avoiding unnecessary, strenuous activity. Here are some additional tips to help you beat the heat.
Drink Hot Liquids And Eat Chili Peppers
Sure this seems counterintuitive, but according to neuroscientist Peter McNaughton, hot things activate the TRPV1 receptors in our tongues, which in turn tell our brain to begin the natural processes of cooling us down. "The hot drink somehow has an effect on your systemic cooling mechanisms, which exceeds its actual effect in terms of heating your body," McNaughton told NPR. "That's probably why chili peppers are so popular in hot countries because they cause sweating and activate a whole raft of mechanisms which lower the temperature."
Share A Tiny Bathtub With A Friend
A cool soak is just the right thing on a hot summer's day, especially when you can share the experience with a good friend. "Sharing a bathtub, especially a tiny bathtub, accelerates the cooling process," Dr. Shawn Stickneck says. "You don't want too much water though—just enough to make things pleasantly swishy in there." Tiny bathtub talk also helps you take your mind off the heat—you can talk about the Knicks, or the deeply flawed justice system, or why a certain husband would be better off dead so his considerably large life insurance policy could be shared with friends.
Red Lights Mean Stop...Being So Hot!
Bathing in red light can be just as important as bathing in four inches of water. "Everyone looks cool in red light," says Dr. Jules Botnick of the Rhinestone Institute. "Also, plans you may hatch with a friend or lover—nefarious plans that would easily get you disbarred or thrown in jail, seem easier, sexier, more attainable, and even justifiable."
Keep Your "Cool"
A heat wave is no time to start wavering about the Plan, OK? When a plan is in motion, especially a devious plan that involves a crime of passionate exhalation, now is not the time to start wavering. Wavering only makes you hotter, and in this heat, you just can't afford that. You stick to your plan to keep cool, and then you keep cool. Simple. No need to shout.
Conserve Energy By Setting Your Air Conditioner To 78 degrees And Only Cooling Rooms You Are Using When You Are At Home
Surround Yourself With Saxophones
"Saxophones have been cooling man for centuries," Dr. Ichabod Sluciedelle explains. "Their ability to construct meandering, mysterious melodies, rich with purpose makes them ideal cooling tools. You don't even feel as if you're carrying out any 'plan,' per se, because you ARE the Plan." Dr. Sluciedelle adds, "Plus, you throw some slinky synths in there, and man, you're cooler than ice."
Listen To Mickey Rourke
It's too late to go back on the plan…or is it? Sure, he's an ex-con with a checkered past, but maybe he's right? Maybe this whole thing is just too hot? Maybe something doesn't add up—didn't everything add up before, when you were basking in that cool red light? No, no it's too late.
In Cases Of Extreme Heat, Throw A Chair
Sometimes things get too hot to handle. In this moment of extreme temperature and pressure, society's rules slink off like a black negligee and nothing else matters—not the plan, not the Heat Wave, not the glass penetrating the soles of your bare feet, spilling your blood onto some other man's carpet.