Employees with the U.S. Department of Agriculture rounded up 700 geese in Jamaica Bay yesterday and took them to a special place where they can laugh and bray forever. “We could not afford to sit back and wait for a catastrophe to occur before cutting through bureaucratic red tape between federal agencies,” Senator Kirsten Gillibrand said, referring to the dispute over whether the USDA or the National Parks Service were responsible for sending the geese to a world where old men feed them endless loaves of white bread, and planes chirp "Thank you!" when they poop on them.

According to the Post, it was easy for officials to round up the geese on their kayaks because geese can't fly during molting season. A USDA spokesperson notes that this should eradicate the birds from the region for good. Bird strikes increased in 2010 and 2011 at JFK and La Guardia, and the Port Authority spends lots of time and money keeping them from the runways so we don't have to hear about another hero captain having old-person sex.