ITEM: "Sex parties attended by Dominique Strauss-Kahn were described by witnesses as 'carnage with a heap of mattresses on the floor,' a newspaper said Wednesday, citing a report by judges who charged him with pimping." Pretty hottt, oui? Hard to think of anything that gets us excited more than heaping mattress carnage, but we tried:

1. Having Gerard Depardieu as a seatmate.

2. Buzzfeed’s “50 Things That Are More Erotic Than a DSK Sex Party.”

3. The opening titles of "Basic Instinct."

4. Threesome with Guy Fieri and a loaded baked potato.

5. The New York Aquarium's "Conservation Hall."

6. Ten hours of uninterrupted sleep in your flannel pajamas.

7. Sharing popcorn with Mickey Rourke.