Beware the "businessman" who wears madras. The company of 25-year-old Lee Hnetinka is under investigation by law enforcement for allegedly renting out houses in the Hamptons under the pretense of having "family reunions," then holding high school ragers on the properties. "He’s the smoothest-talking guy imaginable,” one of Hnetinka's former property owners tells the East Hampton Star, noting that when she entered the estate her great-grandfather built in 1908, she estimated "that there had to be about 100 18-year-olds in this house. There were air beds in every bedroom.”

The teenagers paid $355 apiece to Hnetinka's company Hamptons & Sons (creative!) for the privilege to party in the mansion-turned-squat, and surprise—it doesn't look like they're getting their money back. “I’m looking for him to get locked up for fraud and grand larceny,” parent and former NYPD detective Richard Dietl says. “He thinks he can get away. We’ll do what we got to do.”

The whole report is filled with gems (Hnetinka drives a Porsche and attempted to pick the locks of one of the houses he rented with his "two lawyers" and a gaggle of security guards) but the most bizarre are the written instructions he allegedly gave his security firm once the teenagers were in the house.

“Once everyone is inside and in the same room . . . we want to know about any 1. Knives. 2. Guns 3. Hard alcohol and mikes. 4. Beer. 5. Drugs. 6. And prescription drugs . . . the prescription drugs will be given back should the person need them and they have a prescription. The hard alcohol will be given back once we feel you have earned it and you see they are a young adult and can handle it. This may be 5 minutes or 5 hours; it depends on if you guys lie to us.”

By the time the rules were read out and the searches were complete, [a student in attendance] said, it was almost 5 a.m. The students took their air mattresses and sleeping bags upstairs to their pre-assigned rooms.

WOOO graduation!!! As expected, civil suits are cooking and Hnetinka is scheduled to be arraigned in Southampton Town Justice Court on July 13th regarding seven violations connected to the seven houses he allegedly had at his disposal.

Sure the property owners got swindled, but this scam wouldn't be practicable if parents didn't feel the need to shell out hundreds of dollars so their teenage kids could have a party. Whatever happened to the "cool parents" of yore who just took your car keys and let you drink Boones Farm in the basement?