A month ago, a pair of friends got engaged the night before another
friend's wedding and then flaunted their engagement all day -
the bride-to-be would simply walk up to people and hold up her left hand
(she even did this to the couple who got married that day). They also planned their wedding for the same day as another set
of our common friends which means that most of us will not be attending
the classless duo's wedding. Are we still obligated to send presents?
The timing of their wedding smacks of a present grab (they had even attached
their registration detail slips to the response card with a decorative
clip.) If we are obligated to send a present, I want to buy them a star
(you know, one of those gift-of-a-lifetime, you-name-the-star dealies) but
my boyfriend thinks my idea is outrageous. I have absolutely no intention
of ever speaking to these people again (I didn't like them in the first
place, can't remember her last name ever and they're moving out of state)
so why not give them a stumper of a present?
- Anonymous
Having their wedding on the same day as your mutual friends' wedding is not, in and of itself, all that terrible as many factors could have influenced this couple's decision. Perhaps other family events - a cousin's bar mitzvah, an uncle's tour of duty in Iraq - made it impossible to have their wedding on another date. However, had they explained their choice to you and your circle of friends, they might have avoided any appearance of impropriety. While Ask Gothamist agrees that their motives seem suspicious, we encourage you to give Bridezilla and Groomra the benefit of the doubt on this one.
Their biggest offenses, in our opinion, were to a) flaunt their engagement in a way that seemed to take away from another person's special day and b) include their registry information with their invitations. Waving one's ring in front of a blushing bride, as if there was no other way for her to communicate her newly engaged status, is bad enough and such behavior hardly merits further comment.
However, including registry information in an invitation, especially in an age where such information is readily available online, is the height of tackiness. According to Peggy Post, doing this puts more emphasis on what gifts one wants rather than on what person one wants to marry and the importance of having friends share in the occasion.
So, what should you do? Ask Gothamist must side with your boyfriend and encourage you not to use your gift as your chance to make a statement about their behavior and the state of your friendship. First of all, buying them a star is a waste of your money and probably more expensive than a spatula and a pie pan. Secondly, you would probably derive much less satisfaction than you think from such a statement as you would not be at their apartment when they open the gift.
Ask Gothamist advises you to send an inexpensive gift, politely decline the invitation to attend their wedding, and let the friendship die a natural death. It might be painful and slow, but it beats stooping to the level of such crass and tacky people.
