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I'm dealing with group diplomacy and fragile egos. I have a certain group of who fraternize with a certain male whom I don't get along with. This person harbors ill will towards me for reasons I cannot explain, and several attempts at "clearing the air" (i.e., phone calls, emails, attempted conversations) have been brushed off. Now, at gatherings, group dynamics are awkward (mostly on his part, since he has voiced his dislike of me), and quite often I find myself uninvited to certain things if he'll be there. It's obviously in my best interest to make nice with this person, even though they have treated me badly, since I really enjoy the company of everyone else in the group. How do I do this without coming across as catering to my own interests? Or should I even bother at this point - I would loathe to sever contacts with several people in the group, but need to think of my own mental health first.Frustrated in Brooklyn

You can try to make nice, but since earlier attempts have failed, it's unlikely you'll ever really be able to clear the air. If you ever find yourselves in the same room, be polite and civil, but don't go out of your way to be nice to him, because he won't return the courtesy.

But now your are tip-toeing around the two of you, and you're getting uninvited to events. You could be more proactive in social engagements. Rather than inviting the whole group to something, get together with a few people at a time. You aren't blatantly excluding your nemesis, but you aren't putting yourself in social situations with him either, and you still see the people in the group whose company you enjoy on a regular basis.

You can also try talking to your . Make it clear you bear no ill will towards this man in question, and that you don't want him to jeopardize your relationships with the others.