40 minutes later, Mr. Penguin received a call from the delivery man, saying he was outside. He buzzed the delivery person into the building and went to the door to collect the pizza while HungryMan and I stood in the living room, clearing space for dinner. But our friend didn’t leave the door after he closed it. We heard him slide the peephole cover open and remain there at the door, watching the delivery man leave. We asked, “What’s going on? Is everything OK?” and then scrambled to the hallway when we heard him reply, “Oh my God.”
The door flew open again, and there stood the Fat Sal’s delivery man, in the hallway, pants pulled down around his hips, penis poking through the flap of his underpants, getting ready to let loose a stream of urine into the corner in front of Mr. Penguin’s apartment. He looked stunned to have been discovered, wincing visibly when Mr. Penguin began bellowing at him to get out of the building. Even more astounding was the fact that the brazen delivery man took his sweet time bundling himself back up and collecting his things–only when two more building residents walked in the front door did he speed up and leave. We all stood there, door open wide, aghast at what had just happened.
According to Mr. Penguin, he had gotten some ugly looks from the delivery person as he signed the receipt, and thought he probably ought to make sure the man left the building. “I thought–at the very worst– that the guy might throw some garbage in the hall. But I didn’t expect that.” But through the peephole, Mr. Penguin watched as the Fat Sal’s employee looked around to make sure nobody was watching, set his insulated pizza bag and coat down in the hallway, and then ambled into the corner and unzipped.
Of course, pizza is pizza, and after some inspection, the guys ate the pie. The story has a happy ending: Fat Sal was unsympathetic when they called to complain about the delivery guy, so they called Seamless Web, which had processed the order, and got a full refund.