Yeah, we're willing to spend $117,000 on one bottle of wine, or slurp down a Voveti Prosecco with our Big Mac. We love wine so much, we're even willing to accept an elevated risk of breast cancer. But we may have finally met a wine we dare not drink: a Brooklyn man has been cultivating a massive, 50-foot grapevine a few blocks from the Gowanus Canal. Because who wouldn't want gonorrhea-rich vino?

Joseph Mariano, 73, a retired computer programmer for the Department of Environmental Protection, has been an amateur winemaker since 1994—and he laughs in the face of people's Gowanus Canal fears. “People are afraid of everything—from secondhand smoke to wine made near the canal,” he told the Post. “I once fell into the canal—and I’m still here.” Mariano says he learned his technique from his grandfather, Angelo D’Amore of Bushwick: “I used to go inside the room where he made it, and smell it. I’m sure I used to drink it too.”

Mariano and wife Linda moved to the neighborhood in 1976; he shared some of his Gowanus-inspired paintings with Pardon Me For Asking a few years ago. The newest batch of the delicacy he's labeled Vinum Nostrum, Latin for “Our Wine,” will be ready to drink by next September. As for the flavor, the Post says the local soil (“terroir”) imparts a fruity nose to the rich, amber-colored Gowanus spirit, with hints of pear, apricots and peach. “I have no fear about it. It has a very unique flavor,” said Mariano.