Will North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un show up at Cheetah's Gentlemen's club next week to celebrate his friend Dennis Rodman's 52nd birthday? No. But the city's PR elite are buzzing that the press release on the event is the best they've seen in decades. "We're considering [the release] for our highest honor," said Hank Iacono, president of the Downtown Fecal Shellac Guild. "To imply that a murderous dictator would initiate an unprecedented breach of diplomatic protocol, potentially precipitating a world war, just so he could stare at flesh under a blacklight in Midtown Manhattan with a D-list celebrity he only knew for a few days," Iacono said, delicately wiping a tear from his eye with his hook hand, "It's poetry."

Most of what we just wrote is a joke, but what follows is taken verbatim from the amazing press release:

Rumor has it that Rodman may have invited the tough talking dictator. Sam Zherka, owner of Cheetah's, said:  "It would be a historic event if Rodman can get the North Korean President to attend his party at the NYC gentlemen's club.  Maybe we can convince Jong-un to Free American Prisoner Kenneth Bae as he's getting a constitutionally-protected and expressive lap dance  Maybe the Cheetah Strippers and Rodman can secure what our government has failed to do."

Maybe! Rumors are notoriously difficult to confirm. But why get bogged down with facts when we've got a press release woven from such dazzling dreams? After all, we can't confirm that Fidel Castro will also be there pounding Irish Car Bombs with Hans Blix, but miracles have been known to happen on Dennis Rodman's birthday. (Who could forget that on the very day Rodman turned 41, Portugal finally recognized East Timor's independence. Coincidence?!) The press release—which was emailed with the subject line "Is He Invited? Speculation Surrounds Upcoming Dennis Rodman Birthday at Cheetahs"—breathlessly continues:

Cheetah's strippers and Rodman are scheduled to distribute thongs that read  "Make Love not War" to certain invited guests, including possibly Jong-un.  Sam Zherka, was tight-lipped when asked if Kim Jong-un would in fact be present at Rodmans birthday party.  "All I can say, is that I applaud Rodman's efforts," said Zherka.  "We look forward to a great birthday party which will be well attended from people close and far."

Close AND far, you say? Just how far? Maybe 6,791 miles?