President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle received trick-or-treaters last night at the White House. According to the AP, children from area schools in DC, Maryland and Virginia were invited, along with children of military families, and received M&Ms, dried fruit, and cookies baked by the White House chef. "What's this? Look at this guy! A headless man. Terrifying!" the president exclaimed, presumably before explaining to the six-year-old boy why it was imperative that his jobs bill be passed immediately. "It's going to put headless folks like you back to work—scaring crows, guarding bridges in upstate New York."

After dropping a cookie into the bag of a 4-year-old girl dressed as a princess, Obama allegedly offered an unsolicited explanation on the difference between a lobbyist and a "bundler." "See, a lobbyist's job is to make sure that your interests, your votes are bought and paid for in Congress," the president said as the child stared at a pumpkin several yards away. "But a bundler's just trying to help me get this country back on track. Here, have another cookie."