Oh media, must you keep torturing us with photos of the famous bacon cheeseburger, provocatively ensconced between two Krispy Kreme donuts instead of a bun? Truly the apotheosis of American ingenuity, this delicacy has previously been savored by Google employees in the company's New York cafeteria, who lorded it over everyone with food porn photos back in 2007. It's generally believed that the invention first appeared on the world stage in 2005, at a suburban bar in Decatur, Georgia, where its creator dubbed it The Luther Burger after diabetic American R&B star Luther Vandross. Now it's back, and so close we can taste it—except, not literally!

The burger resurfaced in mid-September under the new name "Craz-E Burger" at The Big E, New England’s biggest food fair, held in West Springfield, Mass. Served, without irony, in the "Better Living Center," fairgoers bought about 1,000 of these bad boys each day of the fair's 17-day run. The Daily News crunches the numbers, calculating that at 1,500 calories per, that adds up to 2.5 million calories worth of sugary, cheesy, bacon-dressed beef—or "the creation of an additional 730 pounds of waistline jiggle."

Sure, we could try making this ourselves, but to be honest, we're afraid we'll come to our senses lose our nerve during prep. With all these exotic new food trucks prowling New York's streets, why can't some ambitious culinary entrepreneur roll out a Luther & Things truck? Our waistlines are literally jiggling with frustration. New York City has it all, except the Luther? Doesn't seem right.