The current global food crisis signifies many things, including waning tolerance for exclusive, speakeasy-style bars. The newest, most secretest Lower East Side club of all, called El Baño, has all of the trappings of Marcel Duchamp readymade, only more scatological. From a post on Down By The Hipster last week, quoting the club's reps:

El Baño is a secret club, and like all things secret it's only known by few.

To gain access to the club you must first possess a key. You see, first you go into a lovely little bodega and enter the bathroom with your key. You will see a bouncer in the bathroom guarding a stall. You give him the nod and he'll open the door and a wall will slide open revealing the club. Getting a key is easy. If you're our friend you already have one. If you're famous or strikingly beautiful, you already have one. We make mistakes though, and may want to offer you a key.

So it came to pass that, today, many recipients (including Grub Street, DBTH, and Guest of a Guest) received an uncut key to the club, which allegedly opens next week.

For those who give a shit, here are a few “droppings” in the El Baño puzzle: 1) Their website was registered in 2006, and 2) Today’s “secret clue,” found under the “where are we located?” section of their website, is a piece of QR Code meant to be read with a mobile phone, which translates the graphic into a URL. The decoded URL opens on a message that reads, "People who we deemed deserving of a key have been mailed one. You might notice they are uncut. Instructions on where to get the key cut at are forthcoming."

Oddly enough, Gothamist received a roll of toilet paper, but with no key attached, ha ha. Thanks, secret Lower East Side Toilet club people. We don't want to go to your shitty club anyway; NM-UH will always be our #1 club parody headquarters.