Last night, despite all of our warnings, Stephen Colbert tasted Starbucks new Unicorn Frappuccino live on air. (#Brave!) "Oh, I wish I was dead," Colbert immediately declared after the frothy melted crayon drink hit his lips. "Tastes like I french kissed Tinkerbell."
"I'm not sure how many unicorns they're grinding up for this, but I'm guessing PETA is furious," Colbert declared, before schooling his viewers on the real ingredients: "Mango, pink, blue, and obviously topping. The FDA recommends at least three servings of topping a day." Of course, real unicorn purists know that the mythical creature would prefer a scotch, neat, in solitude—even mortals know this is the real magical elixir.