Nothing is safe! Stop trying to be healthy! Women, even your vitamins are out to kill you, so you might as well just go out and stick your head in a trough full of Ranch dressing while there's still time.

A new study of nearly 40,000 women over the course of 19 years found that some vitamins actually increase your risk of death. Sure, everybody dies eventually, but apparently, if you take multivitamins, vitamins A, C, D and E, beta-carotene, B vitamins or minerals like calcium, copper, magnesium, selenium and zinc, you could die FASTER. Jaakko Mursu, one of the scientists heading up the study, told Reuters, "There is very little evidence showing that common dietary supplements would be beneficial in prevention of major chronic diseases. Unless you are deficient, there is hardly any reason to take them."

Other scientists dismissed the findings, saying that lots of women who take multivitamins take them to treat health issues (i.e., dosing up on iron to deal with anemia), so they're more likely to die anyway. Also, the median age of the women in the study was 61, which is practically dead anyway. So the moral of the story is: just eat some vegetables and keep pounding the red wine, okay?