When shocking video surfaced last month depicting a rat dragging a slice of pizza down the subway steps, everyone agreed: this rat is just like us, desperately trying to consume just one more scrap of detritus, whether it be a subpar dollar slice or a diverting piece of viral content on the Internet. Now a new video shows not one but two rats trying to take possession of a slice of pizza in the subway. Crazy. How many rats can there even be in New York City?
I win today, interwebs. #subwayrat #teampizza #pizzarat #pizzaparty
A video posted by Jonathen Liu (@jonathenlewd) on
Wow. These rats simply refuse to work together as a team; they're just cravenly looking out for their own self-interest. Unlike the O.G. pizza rat, I do not relate to these greedy new rats at all. If I was in the subway and spotted a slice of pizza on the trackbed, and you wanted it, I would just let you have it. "All you, bro"—that's my subway slice credo.
Or as Fiorello LaGuardia once said, "Our city does not belong to any individual or set of individuals. It belongs to all the
people rats." It's sad to see these rats fighting over scraps instead of joining forces and opening up a pizza parlor. Welcome to America's future when Trump is president.
This video was published on Instagram by one Jonathen Lewd, who proudly declares, "I win today, interwebs." Do you think people are just throwing slices of pizza around in the subway so they can make viral videos of vermin eating trash? Does it matter?
Lewd will be appearing on Jimmy Fallon's show next week to discuss the video, and his forthcoming book, "I Won the Interwebs with a Viral Content," has reportedly been picked up by HarperCollins with a six-figure advance. [UPDATE: I'm told that previous sentence is wholly inaccurate... FOR NOW.]
All we know for sure is that this new video really complicates our Sexy Pizza Rat costume, which is suddenly obsolete and we're out 90 bucks.
Have you filmed rats eating crap in the subway? If your footage looks like a metaphor for post-capitalist urban desperation, please send it here and win the interwebs.