Update:Ichthyologists are dubious.
It was always only a matter of time until the putrid toxic waters of the Gowanus Canal spit out some mutant hellspawn determined to seek revenge on humanity for decades of nonstop pollution. All this time, we assumed it'd be some sort of mud, poop, grass, gas and discarded bicycle hybrid. But if the man in the video is to be believed, the first Gowanus Canal monster is just your regular run-of-the-mill three-eyed fish. That's right: NYC may have its first Blinky.
"Bunch of people were crowding this dude fishing near Whole Foods on Gowanus," a tipster who captured the fish on video wrote us. "He caught a 3 eyed cat fish. Some lady was flipping out cause he whacked it dead and she said they were trying to preserve the remaining wildlife there or something. It was a crazy scene. He said he was gonna eat it! Crazy."
We're not 100% sure if it really is a three-eyed fish, but it's also not out of the question—one such three-eyed fish was reportedly found in Argentina a few years ago and in the Great Lakes just last year.
Either way, just to be safe, we strongly recommend you never willingly expose your body to the Gowanus Canal.
Update: NYU biology professor Richard Borowsky doesn't believe in Brooklyn Blinky, telling the Post, "It looks like someone stuck a piece of paper on this [fish] to make it look like a third eye."