Giving fuel to Chuck Schumer's flame, a 17-year-old from Marion, NY crashed his car after drinking two cans of Four Loko. Timothy Taylor, who is not yet a licensed driver, had been "driving around the yard" of a residence in Arcadia around 7 a.m. on November 19th, lost control of the vehicle and crashed through a fence. He told officers he drank two cans of the controversial beverage a few hours before, and he now faces DWI charges. The man who sold him the Four Loko was charged with first-degree unlawfully dealing with a child. Thank goodness these products are being pulled from the shelves—now no teenager will ever drink and drive again.

Meanwhile, the FDA says alcoholic energy drink makers are "making progress" in adhering with new regulations. Both the makers of Four Loko and Joose have vowed to have their drinks off shelves by December 13th, and Joose makers United Brands will also cease to market the drink Max. On top of the FDA's new regulations, the FTC said in a statement that many of these companies that "marketing of such beverages may constitute an unfair or deceptive practice that violates the FTC Act." David Vladeck, Director of the FTC’s Bureau of Consumer Protection, said, “Consumers might mistakenly assume that these beverages are safe because they are widely sold," which is like saying you might confuse a Big Mac for being healthy because you can get it anywhere.

Vladeck also said, "Consumers - particularly young, inexperienced drinkers - may not realize how much alcohol they have consumed because caffeine can mask the sense of intoxication." We can say from experience that there is no way in hell you don't realize you're intoxicated after one of these, but we don't have the sprightliness of youth to convince us that there are no consequences for drinking more.