FINALLY: now you can eat food from Top Chef "cheftestants" and not feel bad if you throw up mid-meal! That's right, Bravo's endless reality cooking competition is going to the high seas next spring with Top Chef: The Cruise. Padma can't be bothered to show but who knows, maybe you'll get to see Tom Colicchio in a bathing suit? Honestly, this is a nightmare we didn't know we had.

Still, maybe being trapped on a boat with people obsessed with watching food being prepared on their boob tube for four days is your thing? In that case the cruise (which goes from Key West to Cozumel, Mexico, and back) will be held on the Celebrity Constellation from April 11-15, 2013. Gail Simmons and Tom Colicchio are hosting and guests will have a chance to participate in all sorts of foodie "fun" including "Quick Fire" challenges, culinary demonstrations on the high seas and Q&A sessions. Because the best thing to do while chilling on a cruise ship is ask TV personalities about that time they used oysters when everybody knows to never grab the oysters!

And of course, you'll also get to sample dishes made by Top Chef alumni who apparently don't have anything better to do than sail around while presumably being paid handsomely. The cheftestants on hand for the maiden voyage include Hubert Keller, Tim Love, Jennifer Carroll, Tiffany Derry, Chris Hanmer, Michael Isabella, Spike Mendelsohn, Hosea Rosenberg, Angelo Sosa and Casey Thompson.

Rooms go on sale August 16 at noon and start at a mere $699 for a Quad. And don't worry if you really want to go but don't have any friends because you sit around watching cooking competition shows all day. Rose Tours will happily hook you up with a roommate. Just remember, they say, to "be positive, this is going to be the trip of a lifetime."

Still, as much of a Caribbean nightmare as this sounds to us it could be worse. Andy Cohen could be going, too. Wake us up when they start a Celebrity Rehab cruise!