Being out in Times Square on New Year's Eve is for suckers. The place to be is indoors, looking out upon those fools in Times Square while sipping on bottomless Jackberry Smash® cocktails and scooping up spinach dip with your bare hands. The only place to live this dream is at TGI Friday's.

The restaurant's Times Square outpost is offering up a $299 deal—announced in a press release headlined FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: TGI FRIDAY'S HOSTS BEST NYE VALLUE [sic] IN TIME'S [sic] SQUARE—which will include the following for four full hours:

  • Passed Hors D’oeuvres (Cold station with crab claws and jumbo shrimp, lamb chops, chicken empanadas, vegetable dumplings, potato skins)
  • Premium Open Bar (includes all Friday’s specialty drinks, such as Electric Lemonade and The Volcano)
  • Full Buffet Dinner
  • Dancing to DJ John Morales
  • Midnight Champagne Toast
  • Dessert / Coffee
  • Hats / Noisemakers

This is $199 without alcohol, which... if you can do that, God bless you.

BYO-existential crisis (jk there will be plenty to go around).