Last month, we were horrified excited to learn that 7-Eleven's new Hot Dog Flavored Potato Chips would be soon hitting the market. But how soon? Now! They're here! We got some samplers in the mail today! The note included in our package reads: "We saw your article about the Big Bite Flavored Hot Dog Chips and thought that maybe with a few more chips and another chance to try them, a chip aficionado or dare-devil eater on the staff would reveal themselves and take the plunge." So we did.

First things first: these chips really nail the essence of a hot dog—from the instant you open a bag, the smell of stale ballparks really hits, and hits hard. But what's most incredible about the chips is not so much that they smell exactly like tube steaks, but that they smell exactly like tube steaks while not actually containing any meat. It's a feat of science! As one Gothamist staffer put it, "If only they ‪used their talents for good instead of evil‬...can you imagine hot dog malaria medicine?"

Further musings:

  • "Oh god, they smell! They really smell. [Eats chip.] But they mustard?"
  • "Yeah, that's a mustard-flavored chip if I've ever had one. It tastes nothing like a hotdog, though it certainly smells like one. How do they get the smell of a whole 7-Eleven into one little bag?"
  • "‪I liked those potato chips but I'm concerned about the implications—it's a slippery slope to hot dog Slushies and hot dogs that taste like Doritos‬"
  • "It's complicated. As a vegetarian, I haven't had a real hot dog in over 20 years, and though I have no appreciation for the taste of pig lips and assholes, I find these chips surprisingly addictive. Wait, there's no meat in this, right?"

Upon further review, the Gothamist staff realized that this is actually the first taste-test in which we have not generally trashed the product being sent to us. Maybe all we want, at the end of the day, is to come home and curl up with a nice bag of vegetarian hot dog-flavored potato chips, after all.