The wait is over, people, you can now punish your body even earlier in the day with Taco Bell breakfast foods, which debuted today! As unapologetic lovers of a fast food taco, and for the purposes of this report, we ventured to the Union Square Taco Bell early this morning to test out the goods, which include the brand new Waffle Taco and a breakfast version of the chain's popular Crunchwrap.

Let's get the bad news out of the way first: the Waffle Tacos are really meh. It's all well and good for Taco Bell to have a little fun with the hybrid food thing, but they've got to back up their whimsey with something that actually tastes good, as they did with the wildly successful Doritos Tacos Locos. The waffle itself was gummy with a bland but strange saccharin flavor. The eggs suffered from cafeteria-style blandness with a texture we'd characterize as "bouncy." The sausage patty was...a fast food sausage patty, aka: Nothing Special. They also offer syrup for drizzling on a few more calories.

And now the good news: The AM Crunchwrap, which we sampled with and without bacon, totally rocks. It makes sense, considering TB stuck closer to their wheelhouse with this one. A big ass flour tortilla hugs those weird eggs, shredded cheese, some faintly spicy sauce and a hash brown. The texture of the potato—which wasn't as greasy as a McDonald's hash brown, FWIW—masks the odd texture of the eggs and the cheese and sauce work to give the whole thing a boost of flavor. Pro tip: lots of Fire sauce.

Below, thoughts of other brave Gothamist staffers on consumption of the fast food world's newest foray into breakfast:

  • "I think the sausage waffle taco lost something essential during its commute to our office. Unlike other fast food, though, I was able to enjoy it for at least a few seconds before the soul-crushing regret set in. It also left a glossy sheen of grease on my lips, so I guess it can also double as a sort of meat-based cosmetic? I liked the crunch wrap supreme and I'm sorry to say I will order it with vigor on my next road trip." - Lauren Evans
  • "My evaluation might be colored by eating this stuff cold at 10:30am, but the sausage patty and eggs, and eggs and bacon-like product tastes pretty much exactly like a McDonald's egg mcmuffin, but sort of compressed into a single patty of uncertain consistency. I think if I was hung over I would probably eat this, and then regret it. Overall, B+ for taste, C for perpetuating an unhealthy industrial food lifestyle." - Jake Dobkin
  • "I feel a little sick having consumed plastic cheese this early in the morning, but no regrets. Crunchwrap supreme breakfast wrap = A+ food, if it were the type of morning in which I was so hungover I'd be willing to vomit on a mailbox after eating such a thing." - Rebecca Fishbein
  • "I'm a big waffle guy, lemme tell you. My diet growing up was strictly Eggos-based. But this taco wasn't anything special. And it was maple-y, which is weird, considering I never put anything on it..." On the A.M. CrunchWrap Supreme: "Still drunk at sunrise? Good. Because this exists now." - John Surico
  • "Definitely palatable, but I have nothing much to say besides the fact that it was simply a McDonald's breakfast menu wrapped in a tortilla. Definitely a "functional" food in its get-it-and-go consolidation of greasy goodness. That's not to say that I wouldn't be able to throw something similar together myself though (and probably with better results). But I'm too lazy too "build" my breakfast in the morning, so I'd probably buy it. Judge Me." - Douglas Capraro

If you're a Taco Bell apologist then you'll probably love at least one of these new dishes. Your best bet: stick to things similar to their regular menu like the Crunchwrap or a breakfast burrito. Really though, all this bizarro breakfast food made us want real Taco Bell, which the chain will gladly make for you starting at 10 a.m. DIY hash brown nachos? You can thank us later.