The McFlurry, a semi-frozen sugar puddle you can drown your sorrows in for only $2.39, suffered a major setback this week after Mars Inc. announced it might stop shipping M&Ms to McDonald's locations. But what may seem like a dessert lover's nightmare is actually a boon for all of us, because the McFlurry is a garbage item that gives ice cream a bad name and no one should ever eat one.
McFlurries were introduced in 1995 and are effectively mounds of McDonald's soft-serve heaped with crushed candy and then whipped at high velocity with a plastic stick that you then put into your mouth. They're F5 cavity tornadoes mixed by machines and then served to you by exploited workers and, the thing is, Mars is worried they contain more sugar than your entire daily recommended intake. One M&M McFlurry contains 89 grams of sugar.
If removing M&Ms from McFlurries makes Mars executives sleep a little better at night and helps Americans see the world as more than just a giant sugar trough, great. But open your eyes, look past the topping smokescreen and ask the real McQuestion: why? Why open your wallet to a palate-dumbing megachain too that's busy market-testing garlic fries to make a proper ice cream recipe? Why walk past all of the fantastic ice cream shops native to New York City, where there's a zero percent chance of getting Chicken McGriddle crumbs in your cone? Hell, even Dairy Queen does a much better job at mass-producing ice cream.
There are many games of chance in this carnival of city life, but Ronald McDonald is a greedy carny and the milk bottle toss that is the McFlurry is rigged against us all. Save your tickets for the real thing.