"Hey baby, I've got my eye on you!"—Squid that wants to sperm in your mouth. (Photo via Shutterstock)
Last night Neil Gaiman Tweeted a link to this article, noting, "Is there a polite way to warn people that cooked squid can still have sex with their mouths? Probably not." The article itself, titled "That Squid On Your Plate Could Inseminate Your Mouth," refers to a study about a woman eating squid and experiencing "severe pain" and a "pricking, foreign-body sensation" in her mouth. When she went to the doctor, he removed "twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms," aka SPERM BAGS.
The sperm bags, or "spermatophore," contain an ejaculatory apparatus, which expels sperm mass forcefully into, in this case, your mouth. This can happen with raw squid, obviously, but shockingly it can also happen with a cooked squid... or at least parboiled. (And yes, there are places that serve raw squid right in this very city.)
In typical Western squid prep, the internal organs are removed, and the muscle is the only thing served, so there's no worry of the cephalopods getting "frisky" with you. Though it's unclear if this can happen to those eating live octopus.
At press time, it's also unclear if Do or Dine's Justin Warner was orally violated by this squid:
