New York hot dog purveyors, you are letting us down. How in the world can a place in Arkansas be selling a hot dog more expensive than any available in the five boroughs? We are a city of $52-per-pound smoked salmon, $18-for-two soup dumplings, and $1,000 sundaes. Somebody here bought a freaking $689 t-shirt of bad graffiti last week and yet we can't manage a hot dog that costs a couple grand?

Even worse, it wasn't like a NYC hot dog was usurped when the $1,501 "theONEdog" sold by Hot Dog Mike Juliano in Little Rock was declared the world's most expensive. Nope, the quarter-pound dog topped with lobster, saffron and gold flakes actually pushed out a $100 CAD dog sold at DougieDog in Vancouver, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. And it is true, the most expensive haute dogs we can remember in town haven't made it into the triple digits, let alone quadruple digits.

Clearly, this is something only the hot dog hooker can solve. Catherine Scalia of Long Island, we urge you to raise the stakes and start offering gold flakes with your hand jobs.