According to a recent study published in Health Affairs, a penny-per-ounce tax on soda and sugary beverages would cut consumption by 15% in adults ages 25-64. The researchers from UC San Francisco also found that from 2010 through 2020, the tax would prevent 2.4 million cases of diabetes, 95,000 coronary heart events, 8,000 strokes and 26,000 premature deaths, while saving $17 billion in health expenditures and generating $13 billion annually. But enough of this nanny-state nonsense: we need less regulation of the financial sector!

But because this is America, The Fat, Sugar-Addled Lobbyist-Beholden Beautiful, we'll probably won't see a soda tax anytime soon. Friends of high fructose corn syrup delivery systems spent nearly $13 million in lobbying to kill a soda tax in New York, and millions more producing bogus studies to keep us on the righteous path of never seeing our genitals or being able to tie our shoes by 2030.

France has made powerful, yet deliciously fizzy enemies by instituting a one cent-per-can tax on January 1, as Coca-Cola stopped a $21 million project in the country. Still, the tax is expected to generate $156 million this year. Perhaps the tax works because French consumers are too busy staring at their black hamburger buns to notice.