In what Stephen Colbert is calling a "devastating setback in sandwich exploration," the Securities and Exchange Commission is trying to keep visionary Travis L. Wright from stuffing sandwiches in cans. The SEC filed a civil complaint against Wright, claiming he promised investors 24% returns on real estate investments, but put the $145 million he collected into "Candwich" technology instead. As if that was bad enough, Wright was planning on canning french toast too!
However, it seems that innovative sandwich canning technology is pretty cheap, as Wright had some leftover cash to spend on himself. According to FoxBusiness, he spent $5 million on a mansion in Utah, gave his wife up to $20,000 in monthly allowance and spent millions on vacations, cars, guns and imported driveway cobblestones. He also invested in such brilliant schemes as a company selling rose petals with greeting card sentiments printed on them.
Despite Mr. Wright's problems, Mark One Foods stands behind the idea of a sandwich in a can, advertising it as the "perfect product for people on the go" and great for emergency reserves in case of a natural disaster. They hope to put the product into production later this year, even without Wright's investments. Never fear, Mark One, if Uncrustables can make it in this world then the sky's the limit.