After a relatively brief stint of just two years, New York Times food critic Sam Sifton announced today that he's moving on up to become the national editor of the Times (you can read Jill Abramson's full statement here). There is no word as of yet on his replacement, but at least we know he wasn't fired. Also, this means fans of reading about fine dining will, once again, get to indulge in the age old game of "restaurant critics, what are they good for?" while not checking out all those new fall openings. Let the wild speculation commence!

Every time a critic steps down things go a little differently, but there are a few things we can all pretty safely expect. Let's go over them now, so you won't get caught off guard should you get trapped in a boring media conversation:

There, now you've been warned. Also, good luck at the new gig, Sam!