May I present a concept scientifically engineered to freeze your blood in its veins? Okay, here it is: An influencer experience designed around Instagram's favorite summer bev—rosé, natch—and staged in the second floor of a Midtown mall. Welcome to Rosé Mansion, which, according to Eater, will be "more than double the size" of last year's inaugural mansion stunt and will open on June 1st.
"What fresh hell is this?" I imagine you're asking yourself right this very moment. Well, I did not visit Rosé Mansion last year, but Instagram provides some insight into its goings-on. As far as I can tell, you pay money (this year, $35 at "happy hour"; $45 at unhappy hour, i.e. all other times) to tour various rooms wherein empty sets wait for you to stage Instagram posts, loosely pegged to wine-drinking? I don't know my dudes, none of this makes much sense to me. But see for yourself, you can pose as a jet-setter:
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If you already started planning your trip to the new Rosé Mansion in Australia we announced yesterday, we have some bad news. ⠀ ⠀ You totally fell for our April Fool’s joke! Yeah, we know, sorry about that Aussie friends! ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ But on a more serious note, we’re keeping the Rosé Mansion in the United States for now and we have a pretty exciting announcement coming up. Stay tuned for more details! #RoséMansion #Cheers⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ 📸: @myhusbandspaycheck ⠀ ⠀
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Or a person who works in a very trendy office?
Or as a person who drinks wine in their bathtub?
Or someone who, like Sia, just wants to swing from the chandelier? As I said, I don't really get it!
Or, those were last year's offerings. This year, as mentioned, Rosé Mansion will be even bigger, sprawling across 14 rooms on the second floor of the Manhattan Mall, near Penn Station. It will reportedly feature a vineyard installation, to remind visitors where their beloved pink drink comes from; a "choose your own adventure" wine tasting that requires you to consult a flowchart; a "Cleopatra's Palace" situation where guests "lounge on thrones," live their best lives, and enjoy Brachetto, allegedly Cleopatra's favorite wine and arguably also a red; a "celebration room" outfitted with enormous furniture; and a wine tank. There will be a tree house, complete with swings? A champagne disco ball?
The Rosé Mansion website promises "surprises" and "joys," an experience that is equal parts fun and informative. With purchase of your ticket, you get to taste eight wines in a complimentary glass. Personally I think eight full glasses of wine or an open bar would be a more generous offer, considering the high ticket price and obligation to brave a particularly congested section of Midtown, but no one asked me. If they had, I would have suggested Rosé Mansion go all-in on a Clue-style, locked-room murder mystery, the obvious thing to do with a "mansion." Picture it: A whole herd of social media celebs corralled inside a content factory, and one thing—spoiler, it's my sanity—won't survive the night. Whodunnit? An influencer, in the celebration room, with the glitter cannon.