sparkssparks.jpgThe evildoers of the MillerCoors corporation announced today that they will "remove caffeine and three other ingredients from Sparks alcoholic energy drink" after some people thought it was targeting youthful imbibers. "A coalition of state attorneys general had complained the stimulants reduced drinkers' sense of intoxication and were marketed to young drinkers." The other ingredients being removed are taurine [i.e. bile], guarana and ginseng. NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo said this measure "will ensure that from here on out, these drinks are kept off New York shelves and away from New York consumers." The remaining Sparks will be sold (stock up!) and the company will cease production by January 10th, when a new, less-stimulating formula is dispensed. So feared is the old Sparks that one temperance crusader at the Center for Science in the Public Interest even declared it "a devil's brew." Sinners! Pour out your Satanic Sparks and open your mouths to the cleansing waters of non-energizing drinks. Or just clean the bathtub and start concocting a homemade recipe to get you through. Photo from author's personal collection.