A publicist recently sent me an email that began, as I once dreamed all of my correspondences would begin once I was a writer in New York City, with: "I have an interesting food that I wanted to put on your radar."
The "interesting food" thrown on my radar was a hot dog (pictured), and while I will not question the interestingness of a hot dog, believed to be conjured by Satan himself and spun as the official food of the city's worst season, I will question this hot dog, which turns its back on the simplicity of the traditional meat tube. No, this is something much more sinister than the original, for it is a pretentious hot dog.
This weekend only, I was told, "the newly opened Madison Avenue gourmet retail and caviar bar" (see where this is going?) called Marky's Caviar will be serving up "a luxe take on America's favorite patriotic food: the hot dog." What does this mean? It means you will be paying $45 for a hot dog that is really "Alaskan King crab merus on a brioche roll topped with beluga caviar, pickled mustard and sour cream." The only thing that the National Hot Dog Council would approve of here is the mustard, but even that choice is canceled out by the addition of... sour cream? It's called The HŪSO Dog and frankly, I'm too exhausted to ask why.
My spirit still flickered with hope for this city until I read on, and got to this part of the press release: "Hamptons-bound conspicuous spenders can also opt for Platinum-level add ons, like Black Truffle Ketchup and an extra ounce of caviar, freshly flown in from their own U.S. aquafarm." Platinum-level, huh, sounds expensive. Indeed, when I inquired how much these add ons would tack on to the bill, I was told, "The HŪSO Dog is $45 by itself but $250 with the add ons." The email ended with a :) emoticon.
Motion to banish restaurants from New York City that offer "Platinum-level add ons"... all in favor?