Are you a person of means who desires to dine at the city's trendiest restaurants but don't deign to wait months for a reservation to open up? If you possess a disposable income and no patience at all, why not enroll in Today's Epicure, a website that pre-books tables at popular restaurants then offers them up to clients.

$1,000 per year buys you the privilege of booking impossible reservations—think Lafayette, Carbone, etc.—at the drop of a hat without having to negotiate with the peons who man the phones. “Restaurants are hotspots in New York for three to six months, and then they can die," explained former St. Regis concierge and website founder Pascal Riffaud in an interview with Food Republic. "New Yorkers want to be there during this time. They want to be seen there during this time.”

Never Again. via Tumblr

The website makes reservations under a pseudonym, which you then use to claim your table when you arrive—sounds familiar. To be clear, the membership fee does not include the cost of your meal, so you're paying a grand per year so a website can make a reservation for you. On top of that, the website charges an extra $45 and $95 for "exceptionally popular venues on short notice and/or for larger party sizes." Throw all the cash around that you want, rich people, it still won't get you everything (is the lie we keep telling ourselves so we can fall asleep on our slightly-damaged air mattresses).

[h/t Food Republic]