Despite a backlog of 3,000 liquor-license applications, the State Liquor Authority has taken the time to come down heavy on the fratastic sport of beer pong. In 2008, the World Beer Pong Tour had asked the SLA to clarify its stance on its events, and the response was typical for those bribe-taking apparatchiks at the Authority: Beer pong is forbidden because state law "prohibits the sale and distribution of alcoholic beverages in a manner which does not foster and promote temperance in the consumption." Dude, whoever wrote that sounds like uptight Frank the Tank before finally hitting the beer bong.

But what if the World Beer Pong Tour lets players use water instead of beer in the cups, and makes spectators and participants buy their own drinks? Still unacceptable to the SLA, which won't rest until every last drop of fun is drained from our short, sober lives. In the ruling, obtained by Grub Street, the SLA declares:

Coupled with the fervor individuals have for playing with beer, as inherent to the traditional roots of the game, this competitiveness in itself encourages individuals to consume alcohol while playing in the tournament and poses an unwarrantable risk in that individuals will feel pressure to buy beer from the licensed premises in order to play "beer pong."

Unbelievable. Next the SLA will be telling restaurants they can't permit BYOB while the Authority dicks around on issuing liquor licenses. Oh, right. Well, forget New York's paternalistic bar laws, we're just going to go enjoy a nice cold one on the front stoop. Once it hits your lips, it's so good.