Pizza Hut, you just lost our vote. Not that we were planning on ever going back to the pizza chain, but now we have a good reason to stay far, far away: They are actually trying to subvert the democratic process for free publicity. And not in the way 7-Eleven's election cups teasingly do. No, they are actually trying to mess with the already messed-up debate process, by offering free pizza for life to anyone at the next debate who asks the candidates if they prefer "pepperoni or sausage."
Is it a PR scam? Yes, are we falling for it? Hook, line and sinker. Because really, that is the offer Pizza Hut is making for anyone at the Hofstra University town-hall style debate on October 16. Here, let's let their vile press release explain:
To assure America that the real issues being debated in households across the country every night aren't sidestepped by the candidates any longer, The Pizza Party is offering free pizza for life* to an official attendee who asks either of the participants the age-old burning question - Sausage or Pepperoni? - during the live telecast town hall format presidential debate on Oct. 16 at Hofstra University.
And don't worry! The question "pepperoni or sausage" will also be accepted. However, we have not heard back regarding the possibility that multiple idiotic Americans might offer free advertising to Pizza Hut on national television by asking the question repeatedly. Because really, it isn't like there is anything more important for the two men running to be leader of the free world to talk about. Not when there are pizza toppings and Big Bird to discuss.
Still, Pizza Hut is playing its naked publicity grab straight: "We recognize there are a lot of serious issues to be debated, but we also know a lot less serious—but no less important—ones are being discussed every night inside houses across the country," Kurt Kane, the chief marketing officer of Pizza Hut said in his own statement. Uh, excuse our language, but fuck that noise. And fuck you, Pizza Hut. We hope Papa John burns your hut down.