The photos you are about to view have not been doctored by any fake news outlet or political opposition researcher or chain email your grandmother sent you: President Obama was lifted a foot off the ground by a power-lifting, blood-donating pizza store-owning Republican from Florida, and Vice President Biden really gave a biker a shoulder massage while she sat on his lap.
Lets start with POTUS, who paid an unannounced visit to Big Apple Pizza Parlor in Fort Pierce, Florida. Per the pool report:
There were only 10 customers inside when the pool entered, but the owner, Scott Van Duzen, made up for the relative empty shop. "Scott, what's going on man," Potus shouted as he came through the door. "Scott, let me tell you, you are like the biggest pizza shop owner I've ever seen." Potus approached Van Duzer, 46, of Port St. Lucie, who stands 6-foot-3 and weighs 260 pounds.
"Everybody look at these guns," Potus said, pointing to Van Duzer's monstrous pectoral muscles. "If I eat your pizza will I look like that?" The two men laughed. They embraced. Van Duzer lifed Potus a good foot off the ground.
"Look at that!" Obama exclaimed once back on firm ground. "Man are you a powerlifter or what?" Indeed Van Duzer told your pooler later that he can bench press 350 pounds.
Van Duzer, who said he played basketball, football and baseball in high school, said he is a registered Republican, yet voted for Potus in 2008 and plans to do so again in November. "I don't vote party line, I vote who I feel comfortable with, and I do feel extremely comfortable with him," Van Duzer said.
When asked about what the Secret Service thought of his hug, Van Duzer said, "[The President] said I was alright as long as I didn’t take him away."
Meanwhile, VPOTUS visited Cruisers Diner, "a '50s style silver-plated diner just off a highway 32 in Seaman, Ohio." Yep. Seaman, Ohio. Biden displayed his skilled brand retail politics for a few minutes, then the rest of the pool was asked to leave, except for one AP photographer. Per the pool:
After the pool was shooed out, an AP photographer, Carolyn Kaster, was allowed back in without the rest of the pool to capture the VP sitting at a booth with a group of bikers, who we're told are called "the Shaddowmen." Pool had asked to join but did not get to go in.
Kaster's photos show first the VP with a group of male bikers, and later a female biker with the group sitting on the VP's lap. He said at one point, "I know who runs the show." No further detail on the exchange there unfortunately.
"Unfortunately" cannot begin to describe how we feel about our ignorance of the exchange. Your move, Onion.