We can all cry about how mean those ads in the subway are telling us to lay off the fat and sugar, but when our f*cking squirrels are eating whole slices of pizza without compunction it's safe to say we have a problem. Bwog, no slouch in cataloguing squirrels thinking they're people, published this photo from a tipster taken on Columbia's campus and notes that the "Perp said to be 0'8", brown and grey hair." Also: frequently short of breath, and known to pick up a shake weight from time to time.

Sure this proves that we live in a society of such overwhelming abundance that there are entire slices of pizza just lying around for woodland animals to enjoy. But it also helps to answer a question that has plagued philosophers for centuries: do squirrels eat pizza cheese first or crust first?