When you leave your lunch in the office refrigerator, you are, in essence, tacitly acknowledging that Jesseka from HR may spirit away your Slim Fast with her plump but surprisingly nimble fingers. One Pennsylvania man, however, decided that rather than send yet another passive-aggressive inter-office email, he would turn the matter of his missing Jell-O over to the police, whom he figures probably aren't doing much anyway.

The 39-year-old victim filed a police report yesterday around 11:30 p.m., after discovering that his "Jell-O brand Jell-O snack" had been stolen from the refrigerator of his place of work at Wakefern Food Corporation warehouse (the irony!) in Beinigsville, PA.

"The employee continued that this was not the first time his food had been stolen from the refrigerator," the report reads. "This incident remains under investigation."

This is a stupid case, not because it is foolish to report a missing snack, but because the crime can easily solved with a little critical thinking: The red Jell-O will obviously leave the perp with a red stained mouth—the victim need only inspect the teeth of each of his office mates, explaining, by way of a ruse, that he's planning to purchase a prize-winning thoroughbred and wants to practice inspecting smaller, less formidable mouths first.

Alternatively, the victim could also spike the Jell-O with the smallest dab of polonium. Not only will the identity of the perp become quickly apparent, the greater issue of the disappearing food will be solved forever. People just don't think anymore.