An Upper East Side woman has been banished from Fairway FOR LIFE after getting caught exiting the store without paying for a half-gallon of milk, a sixpack of Corona, and some Red Bull. But the Post reports that Elissa Drassinower, 33, insists it was all a big misunderstanding, and in attempt to clear her name, she's blaming it on her fussy 20-month-old son, who distracted Mommy so much she forgot to pay for the beverages.

Drassinower says she stashed the milk, beer, and Red Bull under her stroller as she was shopping because her arm got too tired. But when she got to the register to pay for her other groceries, she plumb forgot about the drinks, because her son "started acting up." And when she pushed the stroller out of the East 86th Street Fairway, a security guard was waiting. She apologized for the oversight, and asked her accuser, "If I really meant to shoplift, why would I pay for the $15 brie and the cranberry Stilton only to steal $3.49 milk?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the guard told her, according to Drassinower. "But you are banned from Fairway for life. You are not allowed to enter this store, and if you do, you'll be arrested for trespassing." Then a "team" of security guards surrounded her, took her photo, and made her sign some forms agreeing to never cross Fairway's threshold again. "They did this all right in front of the store, making a scene," she said.

Despite Drassinower's publicity push to recover her Fairway privileges, the company remains unmoved, and from here to eternity her family will be forced to slum at the Key Food on Second Avenue and 92nd Street! A spokesperson tells the tabloid, "The woman in question was caught both on camera and by security trying to conceal and pilfer a number of items including milk, Red Bull and beer. We exercised our right to not serve her again." What makes the situation even worse for Drassinower is that there isn't even a Whole Foods in the area, because it's really easy to forget to pay for stuff there.