Today is perhaps not the most apt day to throw proverbial punches at America's #1 Bewigged Kumquat Donald Trump, but, eh, fuck it. You can't really punch Trump in the face without getting arrested, and you don't really want to stoop to his level of thuggery anyway (right?), but here's a tasty, less-brutish alternative: "Donald Trump Getting Punched in the Face" vegan donuts, on sale at the Cinnamon Snail today. The proceeds go to charity, and hopefully the Secret Service won't pull you in for questioning.
The vegan bakery will be selling a limited number of these special donuts today at their stall at The Pennsy food hall above Penn Station. They are dusted with meyer lemon glaze, stuffed with lemon curd, and lovingly frosted with an artist's rendering of Trump getting punched right in his horrid spray-tanned face. The donuts cost $9-a-pop, which is pricy, but Chef Adam Sobel and his pet wallaby will donate profits to the New York Immigration Coalition, for obvious reasons.
No animals or Human Merkins were harmed in the making of these donuts. Still, it appears even vegans—who do not advocate violence—lose their cool when forced to watch an angry stubby-fingered orange person spew hate day after day. "Some might ask, 'Why punch Donald Trump anyway?,'" the Snail announced in a press release today. "The answer to that question is 'Because seriously, fuck him.'"