Pizza brinkmanship is nothing new. But the Times' latest update from the front lines shows just how nasty the battle has become between three pizza joints located around Sixth Avenue and 39th Street. In lowering their prices to $0.75 a slice—with promises to go lower—the pizza slingers prove that the war isn't about profit, but crushing the competition. The story is complicated, involves family dynasties and espionage—and it's time for David Simon to ditch The Big Easy and set up shop in Midtown. Marinara is thicker than water, and the cheese stands alone.

We've pulled the best quotes from the article to give Mr. Simon a springboard for a teleplay, and we're looking forward to all the amazing pizza slang ("You keep slinging that unmarked oregano and you're gonna get the roof of your mouth burned.") he'll surely research. For even more fun, replace the word "pizza" with "blood diamonds" or "fake weed."

  • “We’re angry. He comes in and he thinks he's king."
  • “We don’t sell pizza at 75 cents. But if they think they’re going to sit next to us and sell at 75 cents, they’ve got another thing coming.”
  • “We may go to 50 cents. I want to hit him. I want to beat him.”
  • “I’m thinking, God help me.”
  • “I suggested to my children to go to 50 cents.” "We might go to free pizza soon."
  • "We have enough power to wait them out. They’re not going to make a fool of us.”

The only winners here seem to be the customers, who now can have three slices of pizza for the price of a MetroCard swipe, shattering the sacred Subway Fare/Pizza Index.