Did you know that if you traverse a labyrinth of back alleys in Queenooklyn, pull the tree branch that looks most like a lever, descend the staircase into the catacombs, and rap six times on the metal door, you'll find a room of people DRINKING IN THE DAYTIME? It's true, people do in fact ingest alcoholic beverages from the hours of noon until 5 p.m. (some say it can happen before noon but we've never seen it), and we know it's true, because it's in the New York Times.
The article, written by bartender/filthy degenerate Rosie Schaap, is entitled, "The Subversive Charm of Day Drinking" (next month's installments: "The Seditious Allure Of Ketchup On Eggs," and, "Using Nasal Spray More Than Four Consecutive Nights Like A Quicksilver Jesus.")
But you can't just crack a beer, people. There are rules and bylaws and such (and probably tunics. Can we get tunics?):
Drinking in the day is an occasion unto itself, to be enjoyed on its own congenial terms. And there are terms. It shouldn’t lead to drinking all night. It can’t happen all the time. There is such a thing as starting too early. That said—we’re all adults here, aren’t we?—after lunch sounds about right.
What about during lunch? Excuse me while I wipe your brain matter off the ceiling. But yes, day drinking is splendid, and even more so if you're playing some 'tunes. Schaap tries to pinpoint a nebulous genre of music she and her friends dub "Bartender Rock."
We apologize for going all Pitchfork on you, but we're talking indie groups like Elvis Costello, Johnny Cash, T. Rex (like the dinosaur!) and Wilco. Schaap has a lovely little playlist, but here are some of our personal favorites. Call it, "Customer Rock."
- "How Is This Can Of Miller $6?" / Bon Iver
- "Dammit Don't Dance Like That If You're Just Gonna Spill Your Cosmo On Me" / The Doobie Brothers
- "Daydrinking Sleepy Eyes Get Out Of The Sun" / Blur
- "Bet No One's Tried To Pick You Up By Writing Their Number Down When Closing Out Their Tab" / Iggy Pop
- "You Got Some TP On Yr Shoe" / KISS
- "I Just Saw You Take Back That Dollar From Your Tip" / Patsy Cline
- "Gonna Kill Everyone If I Hear It Again (Pour Some Sugar On Me)" / TV On The Radio