What's Christmas without eggnog, and what's eggnog without nutmeg? It's like A Charlie Brown Christmas without the crappy tree, Die Hard without the Rickman. But it looks like we're just going to have to cancel Christmas this year, because the FDA has announced that Salmonella has been found in two nutmeg products that both been on the shelves at Whole Foods.

Frontier Natural Products Co-op is voluntarily recalling two products manufactured with non-organic nutmeg supplied by Mincing Overseas Spice Company. The nutmegs are labeled as either Frontier or Whole Foods Market products. The FDA says no illnesses reported yet, but warns that Salmonella "can cause serious and sometimes fatal infections... Healthy persons infected with Salmonella often experience fever, diarrhea (which may be bloody), nausea, vomiting and abdominal pain. In rare circumstances, infection with Salmonella can result in the organism getting into the bloodstream and producing more severe illnesses such as arterial infections (i.e., infected aneurysms) endocarditic and arthritis."

It's bad news for Christmas cheer, and even worse news for teens who like to get high by smoking the stuff. That's right, a nutmeg smoking craze has swept the nation, the media says. Is your child getting blazed on Salmonella-tainted nutmeg right now as you read this? None other than creepy William S. Burroughs got his kicks from the stuff; he described it as "vaguely similar to marijuana with side effects of headache and nausea. Death would probably supervene before addiction if such addiction is possible."

In this shocking NBC News report, one 15-year-old girl describes her experience at one of those teen nutmeg smoking parties that are sweeping the nation. She says, "The girl that I did it with whose house it was at, she just ended up trying more and more and more, and her life is a mess now." This is why you should always make sure your kids have plenty of weed on hand, or at least keep your medicine cabinet well-stocked with Robitussin.