In a country that celebrates holidays like National Wine Day and National Drink Wine Day, it is just shocking that U.S. citizens would have any sort of dependency upon alcohol. It's even more shocking that this problem is gender-blind! That's right, according to a new study by Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health, women are drinking alcoholic beverages. A lot of them. And pretty much all the time. (We uncorked the first bottle of Chardonnay about an hour ago.)

The study's co-author Katherine M. Keyes said, with a bit of a slur, "women are increasingly at risk for the development of alcohol use disorders. Women who drink heavily also face a greater vulnerability to sexual violence and greater risks of chronic diseases.”

So who do we blame for this? Not ourselves, of course, but maybe... women's rights activists? Keyes says this is probably happening because of the "introduction of more women into the workforce, and more upwardly mobile women... Now it's becoming more and more acceptable for women to drink."

An addiction therapist at the Caron Treatment Center in New York stone cold soberly agreed, saying: "This study empirically shows us that drinking trends are impacting women. After World War II, the role of women changed. More women entered the workforce, but they were also expected to be good mothers and wives. They have latched hold of alcohol as a coping mechanism because it is readily available and socially acceptable.”

Other studies have shown that Radiohead fans are very smart, smoking is good for your figure, and soap operas lack accuracy.