New Restaurant And Bar Openings: XVI, Beerparc, Hospoda, The Highliner

<strong>XVI:</strong> The word "decadent" gets tossed around a lot these days; at the moment you'll find it staring back at you from <a href="http://www.xviny.com/">the website for XVI</a>, where the custom furnishings "are reminiscent of an era of decadence." Yes, it seems like just yesterday we were enjoying that crazy era of decadence, until that <em>Obama</em> got elected and made us put away all our childish things! Now we all live in vegetarian renewable energy labor camps and wear uniforms made out of recycled plastic from the Great Pacific Garbage Gyre. <strong>:( </strong>At any rate, this rooftop lounge is named for both the 16th floor it occupies and that King of France who was executed for his elitist decadence. XVI, atop the Hilton Garden Inn, is not without a sense of irony: their logo is a guillotine. <br/><br/>We recently braved the horrors of Times Square to visit the place, and were received by an attentive staff of pretty young cocktail servers who graciously comped our drinks. And a good thing too, because their specialty cocktails clock in at the $18 range. (Beer costs between $6 - $8.) And yet, despite the free booze and the friendly staff, we couldn't stop wondering, "How could a rooftop bar be so depressing?" Was it the nightmarish multi-colored lighting behind the bar, flickering sickeningly "like the first rising vibes of an acid frenzy?" The long, dark winding tunnel on the ground floor that leads to the "express elevator," but seems more like the narrowing entrance to an abattoir? The garish LED candles atop giant silver tentacles?<strong> Why tentacles when they have guillotines?</strong> The stingray sofas in the style of Louis XVI, chosen because the owners said they wanted to "create Versailles in the sky—a place enveloped in hospitality?" One begins to suspect the press release for XVI is nearly copied and pasted from the Book of Genesis, which recalls a not dissimilar time when "the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech... And they [<em>the club owners</em>] said, Let us build a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven."<br/><br/>Part of the problem is that you're up on the roof but there's not much to look at; the walls are too high for good views and the surrounding buildings are just unrepentantly fugly. So you sip your $18 cocktail and try to ignore the hyena-like laughter of the bachelorette party to your left, and repress that urge to take a running jump off the edge. Maybe order some food? There is a selection of crostini, flatbreads, panini, and Salumi &amp; Artisanal Cheeses. Of these, you'll want to avoid the sloppy, gooey mess that is the Latham Farm’s Heirloom Tomato flatbread, made with fresh mozzarella, basil, sea salt ($14)—unless your plan is to "come to your date's rescue" when it drips all over her skirt. Also inedible: the Lobster and Basil Crostini ($18). They say it's made with "local tomatoes," but something tasted alarmingly tangy there. <br/><br/>If places like the Pink Elephant and <a href="http://gothamist.com/2009/10/29/new_restaurants_bar_pleiades_numero.php#photo-3">Juliet Supperclub</a> don't overwhelm you with homicidal/suicidal urges, you'll probably feel right at home in the "decadent" surroundings of XVI. Don't worry about that guillotine either; if the angry plebes ever rise up in revolt, the Hilton is the last place they'll think to look. It's all good, bro. Chances are that Russian "model" speaks your language! <br/><br/><em>251 West 48th Street, open 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. nightly</em>