It just isn't enough that all the pep has been sapped from our fallen friend Four Loko. So what if a few bodegas here and there in the East Village need to make ends meet by selling a few dusty cans of the old brew? Can't we just let Loko make its long, inebriated ride off into the sunset? A new paper released by the Annals of Emergency Medicine continues to stoke the fires of outrage nearly 9 months after the original recipe of the drink was taken off the shelves.
According the the paper, entitled "Four Loko Consumers: Underage, Unwise and Unwell" (libel! you'll be hearing from our attorneys!), in one four month period of time (coincidence?), 11 patients under the influence of Four Loko visited the emergency room at Bellevue Hospital. 10 of them were underage. "One of these kids had fallen onto subway tracks," said the lead doctor in the study, Deborah Levine. "Five of them were found unconscious in public areas, alone and at night. Yes but 100% of the patients were really cool because they were doing cool, adult things.
"More than one-third of our patients had blood alcohol levels more than twice the legal limit," another doctor involved in the paper said, "Young people think they are going to live forever. In fact, immaturity can lead thees young drinkers to suffer from assaults, injury and death." Wait, so drinking Four Loko doesn't make you immortal? Oh man, we hope those bodegas offer store credit.
New York State Senator Jeff Klein, who has crusaded against Four Loko in the past, feels that even the weaker sauce is too strong, and has proposed a bill to ban all caffeinated alcoholic beverages in the state. “News of a State Liquor Authority probe regarding ongoing sales of caffeinated Four Loko proves that a simple gentleman's agreement is not enough to keep this dangerous product off store shelves and out of New York State," Klein says in a statement. Sure you can ban those drinks, but it sounds to us like he may be in the pocket ofBig Rum.