Uhm, what is it with people mixing feces and brewed beverages? For years now we've all be chuckling about the fact that most expensive coffee in the world is brewed with beans that have been eaten and digested by Civets. And now we learn that a "wildlife expert in China is attempting to launch the world's most expensive tea, using panda poo to fertilise the brew." Yes, you read that right. He wants to make tea using the excrement of Gothamist's favorite animal. This week? You can stop now, you aren't going to top this shit.
According to World News, a college lecturer at the Sichuan University named An Yashi is the brains behind this ingenious new beverage, which he thinks should be worth about $80,000 per kilogram when it hits markets. And oh, the flavors it will have! You see, because pandas have a very bad digestive system they "only absorb about 30 percent" of what they eat. So their crap is "rich in fibres and nutrients." Use that to fertilize your tea and BAM! you've got a potential cancer preventative (no, really! According to Yashi: "Just like green tea, bamboo contains an element that can prevent cancer, and enhance green tea's anti-cancer effects, if it is used as fertilizer for the tea.")
So far Yashi has collected about five tons of panda poo (which Gawker notes, "looks like stuffed grape leaves") for the project and have the drink on the market soon enough.
Honestly, on closer inspection the idea isn't really that silly at all. Animal poop generally makes great fertilizer. But still, something about making your tea with JUST panda poop strikes as hysterically funny. Also? Before you get up in arms about the poor pandas being used for their poop, there are much worse random animal dishes out there! Unlike, say, shark fin soup, this one requires killing no animals. Just collecting their crap to make a tea reportedly has, we shit you not, "a mature, nutty taste and a very distinctive aroma while it's brewing."