We knew the Waverly Inn was accepting reservations on OpenTable, but have they stooped so low as to offer those "Mystery Interactive Theater" dinners that your uncle Lonnie always INSISTS on paying for? At around 5 a.m. Friday morning, two men broke into the restaurant and punched a 28-year-old employee in the face before stealing bottles of "tequila, whiskey and gin, valued at $900," the Post reports. The victim was treated at Bellevue Hospital and is "OK." When asked for comment, Waverly Inn owner and Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter probably looked like a surprised/pleased elephant, as usual.

"This kind of thing is always upsetting and it's particularly concerning when it happens right in our neighborhood," a Greenwich Village resident tells DNAinfo. "Sometimes we take for granted that this is a safe place, and this is an unfortunate reminder that we have to be vigilant." Crime has spiked recently in the West Village/Greenwich Village area (or what we call, Greenwich West—you're welcome, realtors), including a 27.9 percent increase in robbery arrests and a 14.2 percent rise in felony assault arrests. This probably won't stop the Important People like LeBron James and his wife or Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher from eating there, as they did recently. No word on whether the burglars just wanted to express "how they really feel about What Happens In Vegas" when punching the employee.